A Letter for My Sayang……….

Dear Sayang,

While I was writing this letter my heart was shattered by a guy whom supposed to be called as a father. It had been seven years and now it is time for me to pullback everything.

Form all previous relationship that I had, this is the most serious that I have encounter. I had been labelled for commitment phobia and also people whom have phillophobia. Once upon a time God gave me a very good family and it was a blessing. My ambition was a doctor and our family is a very happy family. One day God took this bless from me. And I failed to become a doctor and due to this incident my 2nd sister had been dropped out from her study. My family started to shatter apart and my feeling toward a guy is had change. I never trust them to be part of my life. I also don’t trust them at all. I love my family and try to put them together.

Years have passed. Thank God I am success even though without being a doctor title with me. However I managed to secure one doctor to play role by my side. But things not happened as I planned. He pursue his study and did not want any commitment from me. I accept the situation with open heart. This situation makes my feeling for a guy the same. My mum was the best mum in the world and I always wonder why did God did not give a happy life for this lady. She had lost her parents and sibling for her unworthy husband. He had been all to us. But yet the person to be called husband she been nothing but pain.

I have several relationship that sink when it came to serious commitment. I couldn't take and handle it. There is one time I realize that I only looking for companion not rlationship. All the guys whom had ask for my hand I pull them back. I become a very strong person than ever. Even when I met you things not change that much. However your charisma made me realized that not all guy like my dad. It is not love at the first sight. The way you respect women and others make my feeling for you to grow stronger. I tried many time to get you out of mind and trust me I did that many times but I failed tremendously. You keep coming to my life indirectly. I asked pray from God to diminish my feeling for you because I really scared with this feeling; however it grew stronger than ever.

I remember after your soft rejection for the 1st time it makes me realized that I just followed my feeling and this is not something from God. Maybe it is just my feeling. I started to focus on my career and also had the same feeling that no one can give me happiness except myself. Knowing my feeling situation I know no one will able to handle the rejection that I give when it come to serious commitment.

Suddenly you came back. At the first place I never thought that I will treat you as a so called husband material. I am not looking for one at all. I tried to come with so many plans to make our relationship not workout. However the direction that happens is differently from what I planned. I realized that thing happen for a reason.

Days after days my loves for you grow stronger than ever. When I have problem just talk to you will solve it. However I was still the commitment phobia girl like before. Give you so many than ever excuses when it comes to serious talk and scolded you for not being serious at all after all that I have done. Realizing that you managed to pull me from the from this situation I decided to move on and trust my gut that you will bring me from this misery.

Sayang,

This Raya is really misery for me. My family was broken apart. If you really love me than maybe you understand my situation and also I hope you will love me after know what had happen. I know you love me but I donno how much. If you love me like Abg Zahid love my sis then it is such a bless. However if it is not I will never ask for more.

The only broken apple is my dad in the family and other is very full and ripe. However he managed to poison and screw everyone up. If you feel that it is too much to ask to accept my broken family than I understand. If you feel that you want to go I don’t blame you at all. Maybe the heroes that I dreamt off only exist in my dream and I promise never asked for anything from you after this. You may go and I never ask you stay.

If you really loves me this is only my hope. If you are willing then I promise you I will LOYAL to you and never ever look back because I trust that you can give me the happines that I always wanted.

Thanks for your Love.